Cats love cheese

Defining a binary function for “Cheese Anguish”

So I thought I would tackle the age old topic of why cats hate mice. This battle has raged for millennia with very little insight coming to bare regarding the fundamental mechanisms behind it. Science guys will tell you “It’s nature” or “evolution”. Religionistas will propose that some guy made it so. But I don’t believe that either is completely true. I hypothesised about this conflict for many days before stumbling upon a modicum of inspiration in the grand work of literature titled, “The King, the mice, and the cheese”. I’m sure you all know it, and have probably studied it in great detail in your fancy university humanities courses. But you might have brushed over the fact that it may contain a skerrick, of a crumb, of a bit of pertinent information in this enduring puzzle. The clue, I believe, lies in both the subject and the sequence: the sequence being – cats hate mice, dogs hate cats, lions hate dogs, and elephants (obviously) hate lions; the subject being – CHEESE

But, why? It is proven (by rigorous scienterrific experimentation), that mice, cats (see attache image), and dogs love cheese. Further testing is required to elucidate whether this holds true for lions and elephants. If it is found that lions do indeed love cheese (and why wouldn’t they), then a first order binary function emerges that could explain this “Cheese Anguish” (c.f. cats hate mice, dogs hate cats, but dogs do not hate mice; dogs hate cats, lions hate dogs, but lions do not hate cats). If it is also found that elephants love cheese, then a second order binary function emerges (see above and append – lions hate dogs, elephants hate lions, but elephants do not hate dogs. Additionally mice hate elephants).

I guess you though this might be a very serious philosophical and potentially breakthrough scientific thesis, but in fact these conclusions cannot be drawn without the additional testing. So it is actually a call to action for any experimental scientist out there, posing the question… “Can you please take some cheese to the zoo next time you go there?”



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