Get Hammered

Get Hammered

So I’m sure (nearly) all of us have performed (in the name of science, of course) experiments into the upper limits of alcohol consumption and it’s effect on the human body. Just gone right out there like a revolutionary hypothesis just needed to be tested. And the results are conclusive and ubiquitous – Human + Hammered = Tragedy. Well that’s what it feels like at least. Lying in your own vomit (and perhaps urine, blood, and faeces) you vow that, in the very slim chance that you will come through this experience alive, you will “give up drinking, FOREVER”. You just don’t want to risk it.

Now I’m sure you’ve both heard and uttered this phrase a bajillion times, but is drinking really that bad for you if you instead refrain from volunteering for such extreme testing? My brother has never touched a drop in his life and he is probably the healthiest person I know. Then again you frequently hear about really old dudes, who spent most of their lives pickled. Doctors reckon you should have no more than 1 or 2 drinks a day, and no more than 6-10  per week. And then there’s Don Tolman, a self-made health guru who relays in his blog, “Non-drinkers often abstain in order to improve their health, but they are 70 percent more likely to die prematurely than those people who drink four beers a day.”. I’m not sure where he pulled this statistic from (it’s not cited in that particular blog post), but he definitely builds a convincing argument (http://thedontolman.com/blog/understanding-good-and-bad-alcohol/). Essentially he is saying that beer and wine are good for you because they are fermentations of natural products, whereas spirits are bad because all of the good gear that gets created by the fermentation process is left behind during the distillation process.

Frankly, I just don’t know. I do however believe that all arguments are a little one dimensional. My brother might be even healthier if he did drink. The old codger might have lived even longer if he didn’t drink. Doctors might not know jack. And Don Tolman is perhaps correct 70 percent of the time, every time (citation needed). I’d quote something cheese like an advice-giving aunty like “Everything in moderation”, but in truth I think “The road less travelled” is perhaps more of what I’m getting at. Essentially stuff happens, and you should prolly just do what you want. I’m not saying your actions are inconsequential and I’m not being fatalist. I just think there are different thresholds of “moderation” and THAT is very subjective. So raise a glass of toxic apple juice, badger colostrum, dog nectar, or mercury, and be happy in your decisions. Salut!

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